------Original Message------

Sent: January 10, 2001 6:54:39 PM GMT

Subject: :) *22 Things A Perfect Guy Would Do

Hey folks, here's a little Email my friend sent me … while it's said that these are not necessarily the views of the person that sent this to me, I'm going to throw a big fat disclaimer on here to state that these are not necessarily my rebuttals. Enjoy.

The rebuttals follow each number.

Subject: 22 Things A Perfect Guy Would Do

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

1a. Every-Single-Day.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

2a. Why does this have to be a covert operation? I mean, if I want to smell your hair, I'm not going to create a distraction as to divert your ever-wandering attention so i can take a big waft of the hair you so diligently bathed in $14 Strawberry Passion Potato Root Shampoo, exclusively by ... whoever.

3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.

3a. THE ULTIMATE LOOPHOLE.

4. Be so wrapped up in everything else, but still have time for you.

4a. Like, Naked Time? You're gonna have to clarify that one.

5. Fit his arms firmly around you.

5a. Yeah, and give hugs.

6. Hint that he wants to kiss you.

6a. I'll give you a hint.

7. His hands always find yours.

7a. ok, this one's OK.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

8a. We also roll over, shake hands (see question 7), and play dead (no wait, that's you when you're "not in the mood")

9. Never run out of new games to play.

9a. Karma Sutra?

10. Never run out of good jokes.

10a. If girls ever had any sort of sense of humour, they'd realize that belching and farting *are* good jokes.

11. Never run out of love.

11a. How could we ever stop loving Katherine Zeta-Jones movies.

12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.

12a. Yeah, that's when we run out of good jokes.

13. REALIZE he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

13a. We ARE big dumb animals aren't we folks?

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

14a. And on the 17th day, God invented Cable Television and Magazine Subscriptions.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

15a. I wish girl's would react cutely to that, instead we get those restraining order things.

16. Smile.

16a. To make up for your lack of said emotion.

17. Kiss you.

17a. And you think we're the super horny ones? We just know that if we don't kiss *you*, there may *never* be any contact.

18. Act like Mr. Big. (Not to the point where you are annoyed, just little enough to make it cute.)

18a. Kinda like those things at the zoo ... oh yea, Apes?

19. Apologize for acting like Mr. Big.

19a. Because women and people with similar psychological problems enjoy asking you to be one way, and then reprimanding you for it. ...reminds me of electro-shock therapy.

20. Blast the music when he picks up the phone.

20a. So you can yell at us for it.

21. Turn it off when he realizes that it's you on the phone.

21a. BOOYAH! I called it!

22. Hug you on a bad day and the clouds seem to lift.

22a. there's that mental disorder thing again ... "clouds seem to lift?" …what is that?